There's bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway
And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed
I know that you love me, love me
Even when I lose my head
I used to love that song, it was the song she... I most related to.
Wait a minute, I didn’t play Guillotine, I was listening to an Eminem song. What was it?
Oh yeah it was Rap Go…….
“THE BITCH WITH THE CLUBS!” I immediately shouted after remembering the last thing that happened. Immediately the memories flashed back of the weird girl who called herself Leme with the wings who tried to go for under par with my family jewels. My body instinctively shot up, my hand reaching for groping my self to make sure Leme’s little stunt didn’t just cost me “half or all of my fortune”. As I got a bit too handsy with myself I realized that luckily I didn’t lose any “golfballs” in the process but also that I wasn’t in any pain like I probably should have been if leme had properly followed her swing through, but I shouldn’t be complaining. Once I checked and cleared my safety check patdown I started to take notice of my surroundings. It hit me that I was somehow in my bedroom laying on my bed in my briefs as if I was going to sleep. My head turned looking at my surroundings and I realized it was my room and somehow I ended up here even though I was last in the bathroom. Suddenly I noticed a blur to my left and realized there was someone sitting at my study table this entire time. I immediately noticed the wings portruding from the figure’s back and recognized Leme. Before I could get up from my bed though to confront Leme, she immediately turned around and what I saw caught me off guard. While her being naked earlier was quite a sight, somehow her clothed was even harder to look at. She was wearing a tank top and yoga pants while her hair was wet (Did she take a shower?). While I should have been too consumed with questions like why the hell do you have wings, or what are you, my body had different thoughts and as a result of her attire and her physical beauty I decided it was better to sit on the bed and cover my self with the sheets and verbally confront her instead of approaching her in only my boxer briefs.
“So…… how are you doing?” asked Leme giggling as she glanced down at my hand covering myself with the sheets.
“What are you? Where did you come from? What do you want? AND DID YOU ALMOST CASTRATE ME WITH A GOLF CLUB?!? I asked in a burst of speed.
“Well, I see we are just going to ignore my question but fine. Hi, I am Leme, I am one of the twelve sheep gods that rules over the earth. We need you to help repopulate the population of our majestic sheep overlords. Oh and no I did not castrate you with a golf club, I was just practicing my stroke a bit.” Replied Leme in what seemed like her best impression of a girl scout selling cookies.
“One of twelve sheep gods? What the….wait a minute did you say repopulate? YOU WANT ME TO FUCK SHEEP?!? I replied completely flabbergasted.
“Well I feel like fuck is a bit of a crude term really its much more official and unless you prefer it there really does not have to be any sense of actual love or emotion, its just coitus in order to help repopulate sheep.” Responded Leme straight-faced.
“HELL NO, I DON’T CARE IF YOU PLAY SOCCER WITH MY BALLS, I AIN’T FUCKING NO SHEEP.” I said aggressively.
“I was just kidding. Jeez that didn’t work as well as I hoped to. It’s probably best to do the pie-face thing next.” Stated Leme disappointingly as she pulled out a little note book and proceeded to write something down.
“Why would you lie about the sheep thing? And What do you want? “ I asked annoyed
Leme responeded with a smile on her face, “Well you helped save me from a tight situation and now I owe. Basically there are a bunch of things to remember but the important stuff is that I have a list of pranks and tricks I have seen that I want to try, I want to try hot pot and cream puffs, I owe you my life and am your slave for eternity, I am a demon, I am going to hit you in the face with a pie like a clown, I like to mess with people oh and my father is Satan.”
“Oh………….huh?” I was able to mutter before my brain broke under the crazy things I was just told.
“ooh Perfect time.” Leme said gleefully as she stood watching me trying to come to terms with everything.
All of a sudden Leme stood up and within a second her white feathered wings on her back shot out, becoming giant raven wings . She looked at me and extended her hand once more as the moonlight shone down on her figure saying “I am Leme, Demon of Hell, and I am now in your service.”
“……..” I stood there speechless.
And that’s when the bitch hit me in the face with a pie.